Hyper-Focusing on HIM will not Heal YOU or the Relationship
Jun 21, 2019
I often see a common pattern with us women, when things in our own life are not going well, due to us letting ourselves down, we tend to hyper-focus on the men in our lives and how they are the problem or the one letting us down.
“He doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t open up enough emotionally, all he wants is sex from me, he just wants to control me, he is so cold and robotic, he never helps enough at the house with the kids”...all things I hear constantly from women I work with.
What it ultimately comes down to often is that us women are not focused enough on ourselves, our needs, and putting the time and energy into ourselves. We sacrifice for our children and partners constantly instead of providing ourselves with the care and love we need. Then we get angry and resentful for this very sacrifice, we take this anger often out on our partner from what I have seen.
But here is the thing ladies...WE HAVE TO focus on ourselves first in order to have a beautiful relationship with our partner and children. The resentment we feel towards our partners is largely anger at ourselves for allowing this self-sacrifice to continue on. It isn’t our partners' job to ensure our needs and desires are meet...it is our job to do so. When we make this clear and put time and energy into ourselves our partners will follow and mirror this.
Trust me when I say I understand having a “bad” partner. One who lies, cheats and controls you - because I have been deeply in love with a man like that. It took me years to get away from him and then years to get past the anger at myself for allowing someone to ever treat me that way. I am thankful for that experience though because after that I have been loud and bold in who I am and what I need for myself and in a relationship. This self-awareness (which took lots of self-reflection and appointments with my psychologist) and focus on my needs has allowed me to have a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with my husband.
So ladies, if you are feeling stuck in your relationship, frustrated, and unsure where to go. My best advice is to focus on yourself and ensure that you are doing everything you can to heal and strengthen your mind, body, and spirit.
“He doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t open up enough emotionally, all he wants is sex from me, he just wants to control me, he is so cold and robotic, he never helps enough at the house with the kids”...all things I hear constantly from women I work with.
What it ultimately comes down to often is that us women are not focused enough on ourselves, our needs, and putting the time and energy into ourselves. We sacrifice for our children and partners constantly instead of providing ourselves with the care and love we need. Then we get angry and resentful for this very sacrifice, we take this anger often out on our partner from what I have seen.
But here is the thing ladies...WE HAVE TO focus on ourselves first in order to have a beautiful relationship with our partner and children. The resentment we feel towards our partners is largely anger at ourselves for allowing this self-sacrifice to continue on. It isn’t our partners' job to ensure our needs and desires are meet...it is our job to do so. When we make this clear and put time and energy into ourselves our partners will follow and mirror this.
Trust me when I say I understand having a “bad” partner. One who lies, cheats and controls you - because I have been deeply in love with a man like that. It took me years to get away from him and then years to get past the anger at myself for allowing someone to ever treat me that way. I am thankful for that experience though because after that I have been loud and bold in who I am and what I need for myself and in a relationship. This self-awareness (which took lots of self-reflection and appointments with my psychologist) and focus on my needs has allowed me to have a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with my husband.
So ladies, if you are feeling stuck in your relationship, frustrated, and unsure where to go. My best advice is to focus on yourself and ensure that you are doing everything you can to heal and strengthen your mind, body, and spirit.
A great resource is reading the book: "The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships" by: Lerner, Harriet
